UGLY STEPSISTER SAYS "I'M NOT SO UGLY."
Cinderella's notorious Ugly Stepsisters, Doris and Mabel, are at it again, only this time they're going after each other. Ugly Stepsister Doris held a press conference yesterday where she told reporters, "I'm completely aware that I'm an Ugly Stepsister. I've made my peace with that. However...I don't think I'm quite as ugly as my sister, the Ugly Stepsister Mabel. Really. I mean that. Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy?"
The Ugly Stepsister Doris, who tended bar at the Poison Apple, said that although patrons sometimes mistook her for a man, she nonetheless has an active social calendar and more than a few gentlemen callers. By contrast, she is quick to point out, Mabel hasn't dated since the Byzantine era.
Referring to Mabel's supposedly less attractive appearance, Doris said, "I also think she has a couple of more moles than I do. I tried to get her to see a dermatologist, but she's just so stubborn."
Some speculate that Doris' press conference is all part of a highly orchestrated PR campaign to help her win the "Poison Apple's Least Ugly Pageant", which takes place at the end of the summer. Mabel is rumored to be "in serious training" for the event, and could not be reached for comment.
When a reporter asked Doris why she had a bandage on her chin, the Ugly Stepsister hung her head low and muttered, "From shaving."
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